Brainstorming the perfect IEP meeting

Brainstorming the perfect IEP meeting

March 19, 2017 by Hannah Grieco
Hannah is a mom of three kids in Arlington schools, and a former teacher for APS.

 This past weekend, I attended a parent retreat hosted by NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness). Many students struggle with anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and other mental health challenges, sometimes requiring IEP services to support their needs. Co-morbid diagnosis of a mental health issue and learning disability is also extremely common, and mood dis-regulation is frequently linked to and/or impacted by learning struggles in school.

One important discussion that took place was about the near universal dread parents feel as they head into an IEP meeting. This feeling seems to be pervasive no matter the nature of the disability, often making the IEP process a collective experience that feels both inauthentic and combative. Creating an effective support plan is hard enough without this disconnect! What could change this landscape? What do parents want and need to be different, when discussing their children in an educational setting?

Here is a list of ideas we brainstormed regarding the “perfect IEP meeting”:

• Welcoming, warm tone of voice and language. Demonstrate compassion and empathy.
• An understanding that this is a whole child, not just a piece of a child. Not just a disability or diagnosis.
• Identify the strengths of the child.
• Recognize that the parent has waited a long time for this meeting.
• Recognize that the parent knows the child best. The parent is an expert on this child.
• Recognize the power differential within the situation, and the need to make the conversation more equitable.
• Explain the process, the diagnosis, the acronyms, and the terms slowly and carefully.
• Listen actively to what the parent is saying.
• Validate the parent’s fears and emotions. Being highly emotional might, in fact, be an appropriate response at this stage in the process! Validation and comfort, vs irritation or disrespect.
• Answer all questions. Do not rush to finish the meeting. Do not appear rushed or distracted during the meeting.
• Unless you have lived the experience or diagnosis yourself, recognize that your interpretation of the situation is that of an outsider. Even when you have knowledge of the diagnosis or disability.
• Respect cultural differences, and ask for clarification as needed.
• Provide resources at the onset of discussions. Provide THOROUGH information regarding school services, specific learning programs, county services, enrichment opportunities, summer options, etc. Have handouts, websites, contact names, and phone numbers available.

Clearly this is not a comprehensive list, but it was highly validating to hear so many parents express these same desires that I (and many of my friends) have so often felt! Additionally, we brainstormed what a professional might want from parents. But it always came back to the same place: what we WISHED professionals wanted from parents.

• Involved, informed, active parents.
• Parents who share the strengths of the children, and their concerns and fears.
• Parents who are eager participants in their child’s educational experience.
• Parents who advocate for their children.

The question we kept asking was, “Do professionals really want this? Would they rather, in fact, have us just agree to what they say? Just sign right here, and we’re done.” So this begs for a new discussion, involving both parents and professionals. A discussion about creating an authentic, interactive IEP process…where every member of the team feels respected and valued. Where every member of the team leaves the table fully informed, and with the resources necessary to continue learning.

This discussion could be illuminating.